Helping people can actually serve to stunt their development. Not only do you take away their ability to think for themselves, when your goal is to help people do things "the correct way," you are functioning from a position of greater power.
You are stronger than the person you are helping who has lesser capability, knowledge and strength. Others sense this unequal relationship. If they came to you as unequal--that you are the one with the knowledge in this situation--they may eagerly listen and do what you suggest. This relationship can work when people are starting new ventures and clearly lack skills, experience and knowledge. They want your help.
On the other hand, if the people you are trying to help do not see you as the great one with all the knowledge, they won't hear you. Their resentment speaks louder than your words. They may even retaliate by doing something stupid or nothing at all. Then you judge them even more harshly.
In contrast to helping, being of service is a relationship between equals. It is mutual. Serving is responding to a problem and collaborating with others to find the solution. You honor the perspective and knowledge of the people you are serving and then seek to open their eyes to new possibilities and ideas. You give information they are lacking and ask questions to make them think more fully about the situation. You explore possible consequences of their ideas. When they come up with plans for action, you ask them what particular support they need from you to be successful.
My question is "Do you serve or fix people?"
9 comments:
I wouldn't want to fix someone or serve them because I dont think it's my job too. When you try to fix someone you essentially try to makes them follow what you think is right. This makes them unable to be like themselves and think for themselves. I also think it can lower their self esteem because they'll feel like something is wrong with them because it's not right to you.
I don't feel as though I really try to fix or serve anyone. If I didn't like something about someone enough to try and fix it, I wouldn't even bother to have any sort of relationship with them. The only reason I would have for serving someone would be if they felt they needed help in changing and thus asked me to assist them. However, I don't really believe in changing people at all.
I believe that i wouldn't want to either fix or serve anyone. This is because i would never try to control anyone with something they wouldn't want. If for some reason i didn't like something about someone i simply wouldn't bother doing anything about it because thats their life, and they should do what they think is right. People are there to control their own lives and ask for help from other, maybe for advice, then yes, but not to fix or serve them.
I dont think I have ever "fixed" or served anyone. I personally believe its not my position to judge what problems other people may have going on in their lives. If I'm friends with someone who has a problem i might try to help them, but I would never outright consider myself "fixing" them. In my opinion thats kind of rude, people act a sertain way for a reason and I wont be the person who trys to change the way there are.
In my opinion I think that trying to "fix" someone isn't something anyone should do because its not right for anyone to judge someone and try to change them. I have never tried to change or "fix" someone just because i didn't like something about them because in reality its their life, not mine. And i think its the same for "serving" someone.
I don't think I try to serve or fix people, but if someone ask's for my opinion on what to do, I'll talk to them. I don't necessarily go out of my way to fix or serve people because ultimately, it's their decision.
I don't feel that I try to change or serve people. I would never try to change anyone because they are who they are. Also if people ask for help then I help them as best I can, I don't consider it serving them.
I feel as if I serve people because I truly believe that it is the only way to actually help them. If I fix them, eventually, they will be in the same situation.
Honestly, I believe I help others more than serve them. I am amazed by their capabilities all the time. Yet only when my opinion and assistance are truly needed is when I become the person who either guides by example or tries to act out what that individual cannot do. That wouldn't hinder a person's cognition, would it?
Post a Comment