In the Name of Love: I Am Only Second Best

In  I am Only Second Best the author, Aaron Ben-Zeev, explains the effect of feeling second best. Studies show that an athlete who wins third place, versus an athlete who wins second place, feels happier and more accomplished. 

This is because athletes who train for long periods of time to reach their goal of being first, will not accept losing by a small margin compared to a larger margin. This shows true for track runners; it is harder for them to accept a loss by just a few seconds or less. 

This also shows true in relationships. One partner may be holding on to a previous person or putting their current partner on a pedestal. This causes the partner to compare their new boyfriend/ girlfriend to their previous partner which makes their relationship a constant competition. Society in general has a "winner-take-all" attitude and is generally very competitive. American society does not like coming short of perfection and will do anything to be the best.

Do you agree with the statement that " A second place winner is happier than a third place winner?" Why or why not? Do you think it is equally possible to be just as happy being second best? (In both athletic competitions and in relationships)

15 comments:

Harlz said...

No, I do not agree with the statement. I think that being second place makes you feel worse because you are focusing on how you could have done better and how you are a failure. I think that it is not equally possible to be just as happy being second best. Being in second place, especially in relationships, because I have come to know that being second place because you are just the best friend hurts alot more when youre "best friend" put someone else right infront of you.

desire said...

No I do not agree with that statement. I think that anybody who looses is going to be mad regardless. I say this because all their hard work didn't pay off. As for a relationship I think it's worse to compare to and ex, it will not get you very far, and it's harder to go on with that relationship.

Foster said...

I don't believe that a second place winner is happier than a third place winner because they both lost, seeing how they didn't come in first place. Either way, I don't see how people can be happy winning second place when they could've won first. I also don't believe that coming in second place in a relationship makes you just as happy. The way I see it, being in second place no matter what is not a good feeling.

ktran said...

Well, I assume that a second place winner should be happier than a third place winner. Yes, I think it is possible to be just as happy being second best in athletic competitions depending on the person's attitude. Personally, I would be happy if I was in the top 5 at all. I don't think it is equally possible to be as happy being second place in relationships because it doesn't feel right.

Maisam said...

I do agree with the statement that a second place winner is happier than a third place winner. I agree with it because when someone is second placed rather than third, they feel more accomplished and then thrive for their next goal of being first. Yes, i do think its possible to be just as happy to be second best but it depends on the person's personality. I personally would be just as happy as being second best but then i would strive to be first next time.

DAN. RAZA

Kristen said...

I agree with the study saying that a third place winner is happier than a second place winner. It's true that when you come in second place you dwell on why you missed out on first place, it was just one place away. This does apply to relationships too. No one wants to be second choice, they want to be first choice. Human beings know exactly what they want, so if a person isn't just that, they will keep comparing like a big competition.

Unknown said...

I can see how a third place winner can end up more happier with themselves as opposed to a second place winner. If i were in this position and came in second place, i wouldnt be able to stop thinking about how i was so close to winning. How i was second or inches away. Id also go on to wonder what i could have done to pull through and win it all. No i do not agree with the statement that a second place wwinner is happier than a third place winner.

Zach said...

I do agree with the statement because someone who comes in second place is more skilled and has shown greater athleticism than someone in third and can be more confidant and happy than losing by a larger amount. I do think it's possible to be just as happy in second place because nobody's perfect and people in relationships or athletes know that they can't always be the best.

nicole said...

I believe that the second place winner is a little more happier then the third place winner. They both lost, but the second place did better then the third place. I believe that they are both going to be upset that they didn't win but also that all their hard work didnt pay off. Both runners would have to consider all possiblities of why they did not win.

xContractorx said...

It makes alot of sense that a tird place winner is happier than a second place winner. In a race, if a runner loses by a second, they are going to be more mad than a person who lost by a minute. I think this is because the second place winner is so close to winning that when he loses by a second, he will beat himself up for not being two seconds faster. The third place winner realized they would have loosed either way so they can except it more.
-David Kusinski

Anonymous said...

Taylor Tufano

In my opinion, a person that came in third place will be happier then one who came in second. This is because second is right after first, and obviously first place is what you want. You basically think to yourself how you could have done better and if you worked a little bit harder you could have made first place. Being in third you're not first, or second so you may be down but not bad. But regardless whoever doesn't come in first would probably be a little upset.

Sashana said...

I dont beleive that a second place winner is happier than a third place winner. The third place winner is just happy to have made it in the top three, but i know that if i worked so hard and lost by a little bit i would feel sad. In life, when you feel like the second best, whether in school of with your family , its hard. No one wants to be in second best to anybody. Me, however, i dont mind being second best because that would just me more drive to be the BEST next time.

Drodrigues said...

I agree with the statement that a 2nd place winner is happier than a 3rd place winner. If your in 2nd then you are better than everyone else except one person and you will feel more acomplished. You know that you can achieve first if you try and this will motivate you more. But being in the top three at all should make you feel happy.

nirali said...

I do not agree with this statement because i believe that life is a competition. You are always trying to find people to compete with. On the outside you may not say it, but mentally you're having yourself compete with others. You also always want the pleasure of winning too.

Michelle Harter said...

agree that the following statement is true: A second place winner is happier than a third place winner. I beilive this is true only because I have been in the situatuion before for feild hockey. The reason why a second place winner isn't as happy as a third place winner is because seconf place is that much closer to first. That also entiles that you missed that first place spot by just that little bit. A person could have pushed themselves that little bit more to get them themselves to that winning spot, that is what goes throught there head.

And I do believe that you can be equally happen because the person can have a different mind set.